I just had my eyes opened in a very powerful way! I touched base on some of what I will be sharing here in my first book “The Journey of Becoming”.
I am going to share on a deeper level here. Some of what I share in this post will not be of popular belief in todays society but it’s so VALUABLE.
I have been in a season of learning about value as I touched on earlier and more has come to light. This season of value started before Christmas 2022.
I had to give up my modern luxery apartment so that financially I could make preparations to have some corrective surgery pertaining to my health. I moved in with family. This was big transition for me.
Earlier I shared how God showed me that you have to make moves to know where your chains of bondage are and for those to be broken you have to first know where they are.
My healing process has required some big changes. I have been terrified of making changes due to past trauma and fear of disorder. I battled ADD and OCD tendencies so disorder used to really mess me up on focus and peace.
I learned the true meaning and spirit of Christmas this last year when I gave up my apartment for awhile to spend more time with family. It was a very special time but also challenging and to top it off we all battled COVID.
A big part of my family got COVID and then we also experienced the healing grace and power of God as he got us through this season. I also realized I need to step it up on the energy levels as my family really loves to celebrate and I have been hiding out in self isolation for TOO LONG.
I am not sure how it had taken me this long to see and be grateful for my family and how much we celebrate! Not all people do and this has been such a gift and blessing. I battled so much anxiety and depression in the past. These things really robbed me of the enjoyment of my family and so many other things in life. This year was truly a blessing to see the things in a new light that I used to take for granted. This year sickness robbed me a bit as I had a loss of energy but I still enjoyed family so much. Next year it’s my goal to be at an entirely new level energetically!
I installed a ring doorbell at my parents home so they would have a doorbell with a camera. I did this out of a desire to be a blessing. I noticed that I would get notifications on my phone about motion at the front door . Days later I got morning notifications after staying the night at my sisters Condo in plano. When I checked the notifications I could see my parents taking my puppy out to use the restroom several times that morning.
I determined that in this season of transition, change and being out of my comfort zone I would do my best to represent God well and be a blessing everywhere I go with the goal of leaving each place I go better then it was when I arrived.
I had installed the doorbell for them but it was seeing them caring for my puppy that made me realize how much my parents really love me. What a beautiful truth to be awakened to. I had been aware of their love but not like this. This was one of the many gifts of this beautiful season.
I made the upstairs of my parents home my own temporary cozy loft for now. It’s comfortable in a healthy way and for only as long as God in his grace wants me here. It’s not the kind of comfort that leaves you stagnant and dying. It’s the kind of comfortable where I am going to let the peace of God within pour out rivers of life into my circumstances instead of letting a negative self inflicted perspective of circumstances dictate to me any kind of dreary outcomes. God loves me and my family too much to allow anything less then all things working together for our good and his glory!
One of the most beautiful blessings I received as my 2023 New Years Day gift was a word from God about a big shift for me and new and great things for the new year ahead and it happened. I received a big shift from God. He gave me a new awareness and clarity of who I really am and the truths I hold dear. He also gave me reassurance and empowered me to be true to my own heart desires and dreams he had given me.
I have have been big into self growth and development for a very long time. Always working on myself. Always seeking to grow. Polishing my character and health on all levels every day. I have read article after article and sought out much coaching and counsel . I have had greater levels of peace and less anxiety then I have in the past by far.
I have led a pretty quality full life lately. I have been generally very happy but still always perfecting and striving to be more excellent sometimes to the point of feeling not enough and losing my sense of peace and wholeness. Then it happened. I experienced a shift.
One of the major focuses I have had is becoming a most excellent spouse and partner one day. I have always wanted to be a good wife. I have always wanted a healthy marriage and even when I was married and had kids at home I loved it but it wasn’t a healthy relationship.
My anxiety and depression really took so much from me in those days. God changed my perspectives about all that and today I am believing for a partnership and marriage that honors and glorifies GOD and his kingdom. Today I am aware that marriage is not about my needs being met or another person making me happy.
It’s GOD who meets my needs. It’s GOD who has healed me from the inside out and it’s GOD who has brought me the joy of salvation and taught me about being happy. Being happy is not about having it all. Being happy is not about circumstances. You can give a miserable person the whole world and everything in it and they will still be miserable.
Happiness is an inside job. Happiness is a CHOICE. We can choose to be happy or be miserable. It’s really difficult learning happiness when you have endured a significant amount of trauma.
When battling depression happiness seems elusive ESPECIALLY on the dark days. I felt happiness would never be something that happened for me. I would have small glimpses then it would be gone. I would watch other people be happy and felt something was desperately wrong with me.
I never lost my true joy. Even on my darkest days I kept my joy even though it didn’t feel like it at the time. Joy is different then happiness. On your most miserable day you can still have JOY.
The joy of the Lord is your strength. We have an enemy in this world that seeks to kill, steal and destroy. Think about it. Have you ever been able to just enjoy an event that brought you great joy without some overshadowing pain, stress, problem to be solved or unexpected hiccup there to steal your joy?
We have an enemy that seriously tries to take away our joy because then we are weakened we are easily discouraged and defeated. Guard your Joy. Your joy is your strength. Joy is contentment in God. Joy is knowing no matter how dark it is he will get you through. Joy is knowing that even if you doubt he will still get you through. Joy is Knowing you are his and no matter what he has got you and even when you think he doesn’t he lifts you up. It’s hard to describe but when you have it you know it.
Did you know 4 minutes of anger can drop your immune system a considerable amount? Did you know the Bible says a merry heart is like medicine to your bones?
God is relentless in training his beloved to keep their joy and make sure their emotions come under the blood of Jesus as HE KNOWS we have an enemy hell bent literally on destroying us. When that enemy can take our joy then we are weakened and sickness enters.
People are not our enemy. It’s so important to remember this so we don’t hurt souls that God loves so very much in battling the enemy. The enemy works through brokenness and unhealed trauma in others to try to get to us. Our battle is not with flesh and blood and we need one another . This is why God tells us things like “Pray without ceasing” “Love one another” “Forgive seventy times seven”.
God is not out to torture us. He KNOWS his enemy well and he KNOWS what we need to do to be without spot or blemish so we can live an abundant Joy filled life of FREEDOM without the enemies destruction. God is NOT mad at you. He loves you so deeply and desires to lead you on a prosperous path.
This leads me to my big discovery. Did you know that if the enemy cannot tempt you or trip you up or busy you to the point of destruction and denouncing Almighty God he will break your heart. This has been one of life’s hardest lessons for me.
What I realized is I allowed myself to give my heart to a man thinking this time was different then realizing it was the same mistake I have made through the years. Have you heard of generational curses? Sometimes these are mental tendencies passed down through families and sometimes an actual spirit is attached.
It’s very Important that we walk the healing path with God allowing him to touch these hurting places in us and reveal where we need to renounce unholy ties that bind us to a life less then his desire for us. Jesus came so we can have an abundant full life.
For me the one area that I so longed to see fulfilled is a Godly Christian marriage. The longing for this has also caused me to feel the most hopeless. Marriage can be hard and I had been through so much trauma. I have been through years of inner work and healing yet I still battle ridiculous insecurities.
Insecurity is so frustrating. I have constantly battled feelings of being less then. I have put so much pressure on myself to change, be better, to be the perfect strong woman always walking in the perfect amount of peace saying all the most eloquent uplifting things at the perfect time.
Let me tell you. This woman does not exist. Not only that it is a ridiculously unrealistic expectation to put on oneself. My understanding became so enlightened this week in understanding that as a female believer it’s not my job to arrive at this place of peace and security on my own.
First of all Gods word says it’s not by might nor by power but by my spirit says the Lord. Secondly this is one of the highest purposes in Gods kingdom for taking a spouse. He promises two are better then one and a king and queen are supposed to guard one another . This means a husband is a covering to his wife and she guards his heart, mind and spirit as well.
It has become apparent as to why God doesn’t want me dating a bunch of people. We are not supposed to be out there playing with the heart , mind and spirit of another persons soul mate. Hearts and minds are not to be played with and we need to value ourselves enough to not give place to this being done to us.
True love helps build security. True healthy love is good for your heart, mind and soul. True healthy love is a safe place to heal. Not everyone gets access to to these depths of you. Only the heart that loves you can truly care for you at these deepest levels. God warns in his word that out of the heart streams life and we are to guard our hearts. It’s not his will for everyone to have open access to the depths of our heart.
When we promise to love another or claim to love another it comes with a price and responsibility. We have a responsibility to guard our spouses heart, mind and soul. We have a responsibility to guard their peace. We should never sacrifice the sanctity of our love in order to please another, or gain fulfillment outside the relationship even in the case of “The Lords work” we still have a responsibility to honor and respect our spouse.
When someone trusts you with their heart it’s a big responsibility. Freedom in the Lord does not make us void of that responsibility . Freedom does not mean avoidance. In fact many times greater freedom requires greater responsibility and commitment. These things are not to be feared or avoided as if we truly want to rise to the heights of greatness God has called us to then we need to master responsibility and commitment.
I came to realize some things about myself. The majority of the world today believes in living together to make sure they are “compatible“ and I have been fearful of losing at love by saying no to this but I cannot say yes to it as I know myself. I would be miserable and tormented by my conscience. I am also of the understanding that God releases huge blessings and GRACE for MARRIAGE as it requires a certain level of FAITH to take that step.
I know if I truly say I love someone then to enter that covenant of intimacy with them means I put my faith out there as action to my words and MARRY my love as they are too valuable to be simply taken for a test run and their calling and mine too sacred for temporary use. I am not the one to just date for fun. I love fun. I am fun motivated. There is nothing fun about breaking hearts or giving people false hopes. I strongly believe in dating with intention. I strongly believe God brings you all that you are ready for at the right time. Marriage is about two beautiful souls seeking a deeper relationship with God together and serving one another.
I do not believe in having a large group or any group of friends of the opposite sex when in a committed relationship. I will not be doing things to cause insecurity for my husband or honoring another man above him. I believe playing single is disrespectful and dishonorable toward someone you love. If you claim to love someone you don’t allow easy access to others of the opposite sex.
You don’t allow others to believe they have a future with you or any place of intimate fulfillment outside the covenant you made with your spouse. This includes emotional intimacy. I feel that when you entertain these things you cause your spouse unnecessary insecurity and it’s just disrespectful. You also open your relationship to potential affairs.
No one sets out to have an affair but if you are getting any kind of fulfillment outside of your relationship and your relationship gets rocky then you open the door to trouble. Relationships aren’t easy. You just open your relationship to problems by seeking emotional and physical fulfillment outside of your relationship.
I believe people in relationships have a responsibility to one another in guarding each others peace and not opening each other to attacks of the enemy. Love is a gift to be cherished. We are commanded to love one another and this means be honorable to one another . If you aren’t sure about a person when it comes to love then leave them alone so the person meant for them can find them.
I am so grateful to be seeing these things. At times I have wishes I could just do the carefree dating plan but I know it wouldn’t make me happy. My conscience won’t allow it. I also am fully aware today that God has been waiting for me to decide and now that I have? It’s coming. The standards I have honor HIM and he will make it happen.
I was feeling down on myself other day for being “too much” on all of this and God gave me the scripture about a virtuous woman. It’s my prayer to be found virtuous in character and a woman of integrity in every area. Because I am VALUABLE and so are YOU.
Proverbs 31:10
Who can find a virtuous woman? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, so that he will have no lack of gain.
I love this. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. Ladies your man needs you to be the queen God called you to be. Don’t be afraid to own the essence of who you are. There is no one like you and this is your super power . Don’t be afraid to take space from the things and people that are insulting to your soul and disrupt your soul. You are more valuable then rubies.
If you are not married. God is your husband and those he has entrusted to your sphere of influence need to see you shining bright for Jesus and living a life of excellence.
Don’t be afraid to embrace the dreams and vision you hold within. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and break free of the “norm”. You are amazing, unique, talented and created for such a time as THIS!!