it’s so important when discussing our inner value to understand that emotions are an intricate part of our being. They are part if discovering the treasure within.
Emotions are so important. We cannot let them rule us. We cannot let them be in the driver seat of our life but we do need to pay attention to them. We do need to recognize emotions are valuable. Emotions are a true guide to opening our understanding of so many things. We can learn so much from them. They are here to guide us. Emotions are AMMORAL. There is nothing wrong with having negative emotions. They need to be felt, dealt with and released. Learning to deal with negative emotions is an intricate part of being able to walk on mountain tops and experience true joy as well! It all works together! We were not created to be robots. If God wanted his children to be robots then he wouldn’t have created humans. He loves us mess and all!
When we ignore emotions or deem them menial and unimportant they do not go away. If we stuff the emotions they will come out later. I promise you unprocessed emotions will come out later. If we ignore or make light of the emotions of another within our relationships we will ruin our relationships. Emotions are not to be catered to but they are valid and need to be validated. The more you understand your value the more emotionally intelligent you will be!
So many relationships die because of emotional unavailability. I can tell you from experience it is so painful to be on the receiving end of an emotionally unavailable friend, partner or family member. I have been on both sides of this equation to be honest.
Broken people don’t know how to deal with emotions, they feel they don’t have the right to have them or they have no control over them as they haven’t learned how to deal with them in the right way.
I have had my share of attracting people that are unavailable emotionally in the past. It was lonely and painful. I was often stonewalled or the hurt I was feeling was brushed under a rug instead of finding healthy resolution. I went through years of not understanding how to find resolution. I battled clinical depression and hopelessness because I didn’t know my value. I didn’t understand the power of healthy resolution and problem solving. I didn’t pay attention to what my emotions were telling me. I didn’t feel I had a right to have emotions let alone pay attention to what they were saying.
Emotions say things for example: “I am sad” and when you take the time to LISTEN. When you take the time to sit with those emotions maybe they are saying “I am sad because I am lonely”. When you listen to the why then you can find resolutions like join a social group.
Religion might say “Well shame on you because you should never be lonely if you have Jesus”. This is a partial truth and so unfair to people who are suffering. God created RELATIONSHIPS so that we wouldn’t be lonely. He created us to have a relationship and he created relationships so we would have each other so it is terrible to make a person feel shame over these things.
People are so valuable to him. He cares so much for his children the Bible says he captures every tear. He captures EVERY TEAR. This is in the Bible.
Psalm 56:8
If GOD says in his word he captures EVERY TEAR then GOD VALUES our emotions so who are we to put shame on others for their emotions. True love listens to and VALIDATES even if the perception , the thinking , the reasoning is different from us. True love validates the experience of another even if it’s different from ours. Have you ever had someone do this for you? It’s so cleansing. The Lord is so faithful to heal his own. We don’t need to shower people in all our judgment, berating them, putting shame on them for their emotional state that just is. Let our words and our responses be healing to them. So many times saying nothing is all that is required of us. Just listen.
For me I have found that the biggest reason I attracted people that were emotionally unavailable is because I wasn’t emotionally available to myself! If you aren’t emotionally available to YOU then how can you be emotionally available to anyone else?
Being an emotional grownup is HUGELY IMPORTANT to knowing your value.
I had listened to an article on emotional abandonment and then wrote this apology for myself and for my children. I want to share it because what you speak to your own inner warrior can be destructive or it can be healing. These types of apologies I have made to myself have helped me heal. Please do this for you too!
Sometimes there is a love that only we can give ourselves. I learned this from GOD. He taught me these tools .
Sometimes it does feel it’s just him and us but the more we heal internally the better partner , family member and friend we can be.
Since no human is ever perfect I feel most people suffer this. Here is the apology I made to myself:
I am sorry for any of the times I was too self absorbed or project absorbed to meet your needs. I also ask forgiveness for my lack of awareness when it came to what you were trying to say you needed.
I am sorry for letting everything and everyone else dictate what your priorities should be, who you should be, how you SHOULD feel and act while disregarding the fact you were naked, alone and afraid.
I ignored you when you felt beaten up by life but courageously plodded on while feeling completely forlorn, abandoned, bleeding inside, brokenhearted needing some extra TLC, and wondering how you could possibly continue to make it.
You just needed some extra time with Jesus, extra hugs, affection, and words of affirmation instead of the continual flow of criticism and demands.
You needed a cheerleader and some days you just needed to cry it out and I didn’t give you the time of day. It was always the next goal and mission when all along your healing and redemption was and IS the mission. You were worthy of all the love and attention the whole time. Today I promise to hug you tight and be the person you needed all along.
I think it helps in healing when you know people don’t mean to hurt you but they are only capable of loving you at the level they are capable of when they are themselves are broken.
I also feel GOD can heal our inner hurts so much that we have the strength to set better standards in our outward circumstances. Today I value myself enough that I wouldn’t settle into a close relationship with someone who isn’t capable of being emotionally intelligent.
When it comes to relationships I am learning to listen better to others and myself too. I am paying attention to what my inner being is needing and saying. I am learning to take up space for me. I am learning to communicate my own needs as well as listen to others and it’s not always easy but it is fulfilling and a healthier way to be.
Emotions are not the enemy. Let’s embrace our emotional self and allow the redeeming power of Gods love to flow over them setting us free so that we can in turn be a reflective channel of his redeeming love to one another.
Embracing our emotional health is part of unlocking the beautiful treasure HE has placed within us.
INTIMACY. Into me see. What a TREASURE!!